National Domestic Violence Awareness
By Sara Griffin, MDiv, MA, LCPC
Ninety-two percent of American women rank domestic and sexual violence as one of their top priorities. One out of every three women experiences at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood, according to a study by the American Psychological Association. These statistics and the myths that surround domestic violence explain why October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, dedicated to education and prevention.
Domestic violence is a pattern of physical and psychological abuse, threats, intimidation, isolation or economic coercion used by one person to exert power and control over another person in the context of dating, family or household relationship. It is this use of power over another that is the key to identifying abuse, not just bruises and bloody noses.
The most common patterns are:
Emotional and verbal abuse:
Survivors of domestic violence recount stories of put-downs, public humiliation, name-calling, mind games and manipulation by their partners.
Isolation:
It is common for an abuser to be extremely jealous, and insist that the victim not see her friends or family members. The resulting feeling of isolation may then be increased for the victim if she loses her job as a result of absenteeism or decreased productivity (which are often associated with people who are experiencing domestic violence).
Threats and Intimidation:
Threats -- including threats of violence, suicide or of taking away the children -- are a very common tactic employed by the batterer.
Some common myths surrounding domestic violence include:
Domestic violence only happens to poor women and women of color.
• Persons of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, age, and sex can be victims or perpetrators of domestic violence.
Some people deserve to be hit.
• No one deserves to be abused. Period. The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser.
• Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.
Alcohol, drug abuse, stress, and mental illness cause domestic violence.
• Alcohol use, drug use, stress and mental illness do not cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers often use these excuses for their violence.*
• Generally, domestic violence happens when an abuser has learned and chooses to abuse.*
Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife.
• In 1996, 30% of all female murder victims were killed by their husbands or boyfriends. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1997)
• 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children.**
If it were that bad, she would just leave.
• There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victims want to be abused.
• Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave. #
Domestic violence is learned behavior. It is learned through observation, through experience and reinforcement, culture, in the family, and learned in communities like schools and peer groups.## Domestic violence is maintained by societal and cultural attitudes, stereotypes, prejudices, discriminations and oppressions that are used to justify the imbalance of power that creates the root system for violence to exist. Everyone can do something to prevent violence in their community – silence can mean death for someone. Below are some important resources.
If you would like more information or a presentation for your group, please contact the Samaritan Counseling Center at 847-446-6955.
Where to call for help:
National Domestic Violence Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day by trained counselors who can provide crisis assistance and information about shelters, legal advocacy, health care centers, and counseling. 1-800-799-SAFE
The Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) will automatically transfer you to the rape crisis center nearest you, anywhere in the nation. It can be used as a last resort if people cannot find a domestic violence shelter. 1-800-656-HOPE
Center on Halsted Anti-Violence Project Crisis Line serves lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender victims of domestic violence, hate crimes, police misconduct, and discrimination and provides crisis counseling, information, referrals, and legal advocacy. 773-871-CARE
Friends of Battered Women and Children, Evanston
HOTLINE: 1-800-603-HELP. e-mail:info@afriendsplace.org Web: www.afriendsplace.org
Life Span, Des Plaines. 24-Hour Crisis Line: 847-824-4454
e-mail: life-span@life-span.org
Web: www.life-span.org
Hot Peach Pages is a list of abuse organizations and help lines worldwide. The site includes abuse information in 55 languages, including Hindi, Punjabi and Tamil –www.hotpeachpages.net.
Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence - www.ilcadv.org
* Michigan Judicial Institute, Domestic Violence Benchbook
** American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family
# United States Department of Justice, National Crime Victim Survey
## Domestic Violence: A National Curriculum for Family Violence Practitioners. Family Violence Prevention Fund. 1995)