Doors
by Kate Philben, Ph.D.
Clinical Director
I have been thinking lately about doors. Doors have a lot to teach us about life and relationships. The tragedies of September 11 remind us that life is precious and that it is important to live each day well. We were reminded that relationships are extremely important, and that they take time to nurture.
We are beginning a new year. A new year is a time of hope. We hope that this year will bring peace and happiness to all. A new year also brings the urge to examine where we’ve been and where we’re going, to make New Year’s resolutions, to promise to do better this year. A new year brings the hope that we can change.
So, at the beginning of this new year it seems like a good time to focus on relationships and to wonder how we can change our relationships for the better. For me, it is helpful to think in terms of right relationships with others. Right relationships are those that have appropriate boundaries. Boundaries are simply the place or line where two objects meet. When speaking of relationships, boundaries set the limit or extent of the relationship. Good relationships have appropriate boundaries or limits. They feel in right proportion; not too close and not too distant.
We can think of boundaries as the door in relationships. A door acts as a barrier between the inside and the outside. A door protects us from the wind and rain. It keeps intruders out. But a door also opens up to friends and family. A door opens to let others onto my space. By opening the door I share my home with others.
Similarly, I can close the door on a relationship that is harmful to me. I keep out anyone who would hurt me or my family. And I can open the door or my heart to let others in. I can be generous with my time and emotions. I can open the door to others and deepen my relationships. A door also allows me to leave my house. I can open the door, leave my house and connect with my neighbors. I can meet new people; learn about new cultures and different religions. So as this new year begins, let us ponder the door to our heart and work at being in right relationship with friends, family and neighbors. Let us nurture our relationships with friends and family, as well as reach out to establish new connections with neighbors and community.